Hardcore football match!

Hardcore football match! (not the most inspiring of headlines, but it was just gonna be “football match” so thank god for the adjective hardcore, and it certainly was hardcore!)

I am absolutely exhausted so cut me some slack with this write up – but it was such good fun I feel I should record it for posterities sake! Just to demonstrate how tired I am before kick off I was looking at the ground and said “oh look there’s a tree” when I meant to say “worm”, believing it to be a worm when in fact it was a small twig. The goal of the season was scored today early on in the match; Ashley made a great run across practically the whole pitch I think, and set up Aaron who did a brilliant volley past Teague – it was amazing, the set up to the goal and the goal itself, executed beautifully by the sweet smelling Demster! Ashley’s run and pass to Aaron was like when Ronaldo breezed across the pitch and set up Rooney in the United Vs. ____________ match and the goal was almost like the Robin van Persie volley in the Arsenal Vs. ____________ match. We missed Anamul today! Where were you?! And of course Mike, Peter Pick, Craig and ________________(insert name here if I’ve forgotten you – just kidding!) We played for ages so I can’t give a minute by minute analysis, and by the end we were lagging but so dedicated that we continued playing! I scored 4 goals which I am very stoked about, but only one of them was actually a good goal, although I can’t actually remember it, take my word though! One of them, it was rumoured, may have been a hand ball, but I don’t think so! Everyone else scored way more, with Jake on over 5, and the rest of them scoring loads! I had loads of chances which I fucked up, or Teague stopped me getting, which became a tiny bit frustrating so I had to wrestle him to the ground. Then Jake rolled me in the mud as revenge for probably hitting or grabbing him, I can’t remember! I was sort of like Arsenal, all the chances are there and we can’t get it into the back of the net. There were two awful times when it was crossed to me right in front of the goal and all I had to do was stick me foot out but I didn’t. Then there was the one were it was an empty goal the ball was right in front of me and I didn’t stop, touch or controlled it so it rolled off! Cringe!

Anyway, enough about me. As I can’t recount the match to a satisfactory standard, I’ll write about individual players, although I might be slightly biased towards my team! Ooh we saw a fox run across the playground, well me and Teague did, everyone else ignored me when I said “oh look there’s a fox” like I was imagining things or something.

Adam Jonas: Like Rosicky but better. Adams work rate is brilliant; he’s always going for it and getting it to, as opposed to going for it and flopping! He has skills too, and can dribble the ball along with style and control, that I often find myself just watching his feet and then when he passes it to me, I just stand there as happened on several occasions today! Another good thing about Ads is that he is generous with his passing, he knows when to go for goal himself and when to pass it which is a good quality! Unlike…
Ads also made some good saves when he was in goal.

Aaron Demster: Who tries to do everything himself and doesn’t pass enough! He tries his Ronaldo skills and then gets disposed! Scored the goal of the season, and does have skills, just needs to pass a little more! I lost count of the number of times Ashley was shouting “over here” and just got ignored. Smells gorgeous!

Ashley Lowe: Set up the goal of the season with style and composure. I think it was him who scored the second best goal of the match. Lots of other chances that just went wide, he sort of like Arsenal and me sometimes. Left quite early on.

Joe: Scored lots of goals and another hardworking player who can be found all over the pitch. His celebrations get more extravagant with each goal! The first was an Alex Fergie jig thing, and then he went for the Rosicky bury- head -in –shirt celebration. Keep up the good work, maybe practise some new celebration dances! Adebayor and Henry can give you some moves! Supports Everton which is a worry – joking! I like toffee, actually I lie, it sticks on your teeth, it’s fudge that I love!

Jake Colman: Did a brilliant skill thing near the goal where he did a sort of backward kick thing, it’s hard to describe. Scored lots of goals to mine and Ads’ annoyance! Strong rivalry between Ads and Jake after Jake could have scored but was fouled by Adam who went on to save Jake’s penalty, which otherwise would have been a goal – he was robbed! Lots of nice passing and goals. Grrrrrrr! Quite intimidating!

Teague: Talking of intimidating!... Oh, what can I say about Teague, words fail me! He was probably/definitely man of the match today; he played exceptionally both in goal and on the attack. Hardly anything got past Teague and the amount of times he stopped me scoring was quite painful for me! It must have been even worse for my team mates, he just stopped everything. Teague was on fire. Brilliant footballer. Skills, goals, the lot! Grrrrrrrrrrr! Although slightly underhand tactics when dealing with me!

Chris: Also had many goals today. Very tenacious and lots of energy! He is working on his skills, such as confusing me with the ball and not letting me get it. Good at getting the ball and around the pitch and good positioning and passing and all that jazz!

Other players: Dan, for a little bit, and a guy but I don’t know his name, sorry!

That’s all folks, bring on Saturday!